May 27, 2008 - 5:23pm
my husband is a great guy and very supportive of me, but i really do not think he understands the level of pain that i have at times. we were in the same car accident but he escaped with only minor injuries, and after just a little physical therapy he was back at work, and back to running. it is very depressing to me to be in pain and to not be able to run with him like i used to. he thinks that if i started back to running, slowly at first, and built back up i would be able to run, and that it would help with my depression. i've tried explaining how severe the pain is, and how if i thought i could do it, i would run with him, but i am really afraid. has anyone had this same experience, where your husband or your wife or parents or kids really didn't understand your pain levels, and tried to push you faster than you want to go. how have you managed to deal with this situation. thanks.
May 27, 2008 - 6:05pm
#2
we do walk together
in our neighborhood, and sometimes near or on the beach - right now he runs early in the morning before work, and i am usually at home. i don't mind that he does this - and like i said, he is supportive and walks with me - it's just not the same for him though - he has always been a strong athlete. maybe bicycling? i do that in therapy, so this would just be a continuation and something we could do together if he would stay at my pace.
May 27, 2008 - 6:13pm
#3
Understanding someone elses pain
Yes!!!!Everyday of my life since 1994. My husband is great and says he understands but there are times that I know he does not get it. I have severe depression and anxiety probably because of this. My husband does not take any meds at all for anything. My family, Father, Sisters ans Sons do not get it and my son is a user of narcotics for pain and pleasure, but NO One gets it. I read these posts all the time and usually say nothing back. I felt I needed to tell you that someone understands the Pain and frustration and depression that goes along with all of it.
I had a DR that understood but he got in trouble for over prescribing and now I am stuck with a Moron that is constantly weening me down, he does not understand my pain either.
I can say that even though they ( our family)do not understand they love us anyway... Take care and keep trying
I am not a educated Dr or Pharmacist , just my opinion.
May 27, 2008 - 6:22pm
#4
maybe
Maybe you should sit your husband down and talk it out. Just tell him how you feel about things and you need to make him realize the level of pain that you are in. I know, in time, things will go back to normal were you can both run again. For now I think the bicycle idea would be great! best of luck!
-JpD
May 27, 2008 - 6:42pm
#5
Unless you were instructed
Unless you were instructed by your doc not to, I would exercise as much as possible, as long asyou are not exacerbating the injury.
Exercise releases endophins/enkephalin/dynorphin, all of which are the bodies natural pain-killers. Dopamine is also produced, whih is the neurotransmitter that makes us feel pleasure.
Exercise really does help me alot. I seem to be able to deal with my pain more efficiently since becoming more active, and in turn, I am happier.
May 27, 2008 - 7:11pm
#6
i understand
hi, I can understand what you are writing about. I too have chronic pain and had surgery 12-12-07. Of course nothing heals right for me due to I had to try to do everything and plus I think my doctor screwed with my sciatic nerve, maybe nicked it. However I some times wish my husband will realize that the pain hurts alot and being a mom wife and working takes alot out of me. My pain is real, I dont drink, or abuse drugs or take more than needed. I even refuse pills if I already have them and I even returned a full botle of 10/325 vicodin because they werent for me. people dont understand that for the few people who might abuse them that thier are those who at no fault of thier own have to lower themselves to take pain meds just to be capable of taking care of thier famalies. dont let no one bring you down do they best you can. When you are able to you will run again and proberly run faster than your husband.. god bless
May 27, 2008 - 7:25pm
#7
natural pain killers
before my accident i was very active too and i think one of the reasons that i am depressed is that i am not active anymore. one of the side effects of not being acctive is gaining weight and that adds to my depression. i do feel a lot better when i walk and i think i may talk to my doc and physical therapist about starting to add some running to my therapy sessions. if being more active will help me to feel better all around and get off of some of my meds i would be much happier. thanks for all your ideas.
May 27, 2008 - 7:31pm
#8
same road, different shoes
If you think you're comfortable enough on the bike (or can at least work through it), why don't you bike alongside while he is running? That way you won't feel like you're holding him back but you can still be active together.
May 27, 2008 - 7:35pm
#9
hey i wish you the
hey i wish you the best...i do hope you can get more mobile...i am in the same boat, i need to do more...i took a 3 hour walk today and had to sit down many times in brutal pain...and i feel sore now...people give up often...i understand all the ins and outs...broken back at 18/41 now....just try your best..Buddha Bless you
I am not a Dr. I just play one on TV.
May 27, 2008 - 7:37pm
#10
sounds good 4andsic
sounds good 4andsic
I am not a Dr. I just play one on TV.
May 27, 2008 - 8:31pm
#11
Pain rehab
Last year I asked my DR to write me a RX for Pool Therapy at a local physical therapy Dr who has a pool. I loved it and it helped reduce the pain and got me out walking again, I lost 23 pounds. If I had stuck with it I believe I would be much better today, I will begin the therapy again and I plan on joining a club where I can swim daily. Swimming is great therapy because there is little impact to hurt you and is good for the heart and lungs too. Just a thought it may work for others too who can stay committed.
I am not a educated Dr or Pharmacist , just my opinion.
May 28, 2008 - 12:29am
#12
I know it is very hard to
I know it is very hard to try to explain chronic pain to someone who does not ever suffer through it. Try relating it to something that your husband does understand. You know how they say when you are teaching kids their homework to relate it to something they know like sports? It's the same thing.
My big thing is trying to explain my need for pain medicine to other people. Many people hear the large doses of narcotics I am on and automatically just think I am taking them to get high and that I do not need them, that I am not in that much pain. They do not understand tolerance at all! I think after being on hydrocodone preparations for 4+ years, that taking 11 10/325's a day is not that bad, but thats just me...
I'm a social worker, not a medical professional. All comments and thoughts are simply my opinion and experience.
May 28, 2008 - 8:38am
#13
"A Letter to Normals" for husbands,wifes,family & friends
We all suffer from some sort of chronic pain, weather from and injury at work, an accident, Illness or surgeries gone bad,or from diseases we have. I have had Fibromyalgia for many a many a tooooo many a years.
I printed this out and stuck it on the fridge, as a reminder to my family about how & what chronic pain does to a person....
please read, print & share with your loved ones & friends...
Now Roxi~ I know how your feeling, and i know what your going thru.
just try ..... go for a very small run with your hubby~ Ive learned over the years, if I am going to be in pain anyways, I might as well live my life a little sense the pain will be there anyways. . . . it helps with the depression, sure it makes me hurts , sure i suffer, but Ive learned my limits, and try very hard not to go beyond them.......
here is the letter~ mind you where it states Firbo or choric fatigue, you can place, chroinc pain in there as well.
Although this is a Copyright of Fibrohugs.com we grant permission for anyone to use this at any time as long as the following "Copyright of www.fibrohugs.com Written by Ronald J. Waller" is fully visible.
The Letter To Normals
Hello Family, Friends, and Anyone Wishing to Know Me,
Allow me to begin by thanking you for taking the time out of your day to spend some time with me and get to know me better. A person’s time is their most valuable asset and yours is appreciated.
I want to talk to you about Fibromyalgia (FM) and Chronic Myofascial Pain Syndrome (MPS). And Chrocic Pain. Many have never heard of these conditions and for those who have, many are misinformed. And because of this judgments are made that may not be correct… So I ask you to keep an open mind as I try to explain who I am and how FM/MPS& chroic pain has assaulted not only my life but those whom I love as well.
You see, I suffer from a disease that you cannot see; a disease that there is no cure for and that keeps the medical community baffled at how to treat and battle this demon, who’s attacks are relentless. My pain works silently, stealing my joy and replacing it with tears. On the outside we look alike you and I; you wont see my scars as you would a person who, say, had suffered a car accident. You wont see my pain in the way you would a person undergoing chemo for cancer; however, my pain is just as real and just as debilitating. And in many ways my pain may be more destructive because people can’t see it and do not understand....
Please don’t get angry at my seemingly lack of interest in doing things; I punish myself enough I assure you. My tears are shed many times when no one is around. My embarrassment is covered by a joke or laughter, but inside I want to die....
Most of my "friends" are gone; even members of my own family have abandoned me. I have been accused of "playing games" for another’s sympathy. I have been called unreliable because I am forced to cancel plans I made at the last minute because the burning and pain in my legs or arms is so intense I cannot put my clothes on and I am left in my tears as I miss out on yet another activity I used to love and once participated in with enthusiasm.
I feel like a child at times... Just the other day I put the sour cream I bought at the store in the pantry, on the shelf, instead of in the refrigerator; by the time I noticed it, it had spoiled. When I talk to people, many times I lose my train of thought in mid sentence or forget the simplest word needed to explain or describe something. Please try to understand how it feels to have another go behind me in my home to make sure the stove is off after I cook an occasional meal. Please try to understand how it feels to “lose” the laundry, only to find it in the stove instead of the dryer. As I try to maintain my dignity the Demon assaults me at every turn. Please try to understand….
Sleep, when I do get some, is restless and I wake often because of the pain the sheets have on my legs or because I twitch uncontrollably. I walk through many of my days in a daze with the Fibro-fog laughing at me as I stumble and grasp for clarity.
And just because I can do a thing one day, that doesn’t mean I will be able to do the same thing the next day or next week. I may be able to take that walk after dinner on a warm July evening; the next day or even the in the next hour I may not be able to walk to the fridge to get a cold drink because my muscles have begun to cramp and lock up or spasm uncontrollably. And there are those who say “but you did that yesterday!” “What is your problem today?” The hurt I experience at those words scars me so deeply that I have let my family down again; and still they don’t understand….
On a brighter side I want you to know that I still have my sense of humor. If you take the time to spend with me you will see that. I love to tell that joke to make another’s face light up and smile at my wit. I love my kids and grandbabies and shine when they give me my hugs or ask me to fix their favorite toy. I am fun to be with if you will spend the time with me on my own playing field; is this too much to ask?
I love you and want nothing more than to be a part of your life. And I have found that I can be a strong friend in many ways. Do you have a dream? I am your friend, your supporter and many times I will be the one to do the research for your latest project; many times I will be your biggest fan and the world will know how proud I am at your accomplishments and how honored I am to have you in my life.
So you see, you and I are not that much different. I too have hopes, dreams, goals… and this demon…. Do you have an unseen demon that assaults you and no one else can see
Have you had to fight a fight that crushes you and brings you to your knees? I will be by your side, win or lose, I promise you that; I will be there in ways that I can. I will give all I can as I can, I promise you that. But I have to do this thing my way. Please understand that I am in such a fight myself and I know that I have little hope of a cure or effective treatments, at least right now. Please understand….
Thank you for spending your time with me today. I hope we can work through this thing, you and I. Please understand that I am just like you… Please understand….
Copyright of www.fibrohugs.com Written by Ronald J. Waller
Lilbit aka Linda
Cervial disk rupture at c5/c6.Rupture took bone spurs and embedded them into spinal cord. Cervical Spinal Fusion, then Fustla repair of spinal cord to seal hole left by bone spur removal.
Fibromyalgia
May 28, 2008 - 9:22am
#14
wow, how great is that!!
Linda, thank you. I am going to print this out and keep it handy and share it with my husband, my parents and some of my friends. And you are right. you can change out the fibro for chronic pain or any number of other illnesses and it still makes perfect sense. thanks for sharing this with all of us. Roxie.
How about a walk together? when he runs where are you....?
I am not a Dr. I just play one on TV.